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Hi friends,
Happy August! This is the second installment of my monthly mentoring email- sharing an idea, usually from a book, that has helped me in this academic life. I’m leaving shortly on a two-week vacation, and it seems like an apt time to re-visit my most difficult career challenge- saying “no.” I think most people have an innate “yes” or “no” inclination, and the first step is to know yourself. I am most definitely a yes-woman by nature. The advice that follows is from the “do as I say, not as I do” school!
I read a book earlier this year called Essentialism by Greg McKeown. His HBR article is a reasonable starting point for the concept of “the disciplined pursuit of less.”
What I liked best from this book are some questions that help focus me:
If I could be truly excellent at only one thing, what would it be?
If I weren’t already involved with this project, how hard would I work to get on it?
I also liked the specific suggestions for how to say “no” (and I am fully aware I may be hearing these from you).
Pause before answering, to avoid a reflexive “yes”
Offer “later” instead of an outright “no”
Check your calendar before agreeing
Have an auto-reply for requests that are recurrent (like paper reviews) so saying no takes less effort.
Yes. Can you advise me what I should stop doing to make time for that?
Use humor
State what you are willing to do. “You are welcome to do x, I am willing/ able to do Y”
Nominate someone else! (Yes, I will put your name forward in these situations!)
Finally, one useful idea from the book is a “reverse pilot.'“ Stop doing something you feel obligated to do, and see what happens. I have to admit I did this out of necessity when coming back from maternity leave, and I was shocked at how little others even noticed the change in my effort level.
Thanks for reading! If you write a paper or get a grant or have other milestones, drop me a line. Hearing about your accomplishments makes me really happy, and I’ll gladly tweet about it and otherwise promote your accomplishments as much as I can. (I find it much easier to brag about you than to promote myself!) Also, I would love to hear what some of your professional challenges are so I can tailor future emails to them. Enjoy the last of summer, and keep in touch!
Warmly,
Urmimala