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Dear friends,
The days are getting longer and brighter, and I hope your mood, like mine, has been lighter of late. I’ve embraced a new hybrid schedule. It feels amazing to be together in person as a team, and I love running into people unexpectedly at work. I appreciate my remote work more as a quiet contrast to the office, so my entire work experience has improved, for the first time since March 2020. I wish the same for you.
This month’s advice stems from two conversations I had with faculty at earlier career stages, both of whom are parents of young children. One person told me they love their work, enjoy writing at night, and often go back to their desk after dinner/ kid bedtime. This does not feel burdensome, but they asked, “should I feel bad about working so much?” Another collaborator shared how they are scheduled minute-by-minute between a highly successful research program and children’s school and activities, “I have work and kids and not much else. I know I can power through, but it isn’t what I want forever.” These seems like opposing concerns, but to me they are two sides of the same coin. Getting past these dilemmas requires reframing the role of work in our lives. No matter how much we love our work, it is not something we do for ourselves. It is something we do for a wage and, in some cases, to make a difference in the world. Work is never self-care.
So, if, like my first colleague, you work a lot and feel content, know that there is no magic number of working hours, and no need to feel guilty. The pace at which you work should match your own internal rhythm. The important caveat is that your energy for work will ebb and flow over the course of your career. There are two key strategies for managing changes in your energy. First, plan for disruption. If you make your academic work commitments based on the assumption that you will maintain a fast pace forever, you will fall behind. Leave enough time unscheduled so that you can manage unexpected issues, whether they arise at home or at work. Second, recognize when your work pace has slowed, and honor what your mind and/or body are telling you. If you are staring at your screen instead of writing, don’t criticize yourself. Ask yourself if you need rest, exercise, nourishment, company, or something else, and focus on meeting that need before returning to your work. You may find that you do not have as much energy for work as you used to. That’s OK, I promise.
In other words, don’t power through. In the same way that your work pace can change, there is no guarantee that either work demands, or life demands will change. I received the advice “things will get easier” when I was a new assistant professor with a baby and toddler, and for years I wondered why “things” were not improving. I realized that the only way life becomes more manageable is through our intention and action. You will be more effective at work and at home if you invest in yourself. I think of these investments in two broad categories: reducing hassle and adding fun. If you can outsource chores or improve logistics, that makes life feel less effortful and sometimes reduces conflict. You also need to have fun, whatever that means to you. Having fun will give you more emotional energy, which is the starting point for fulfilling all your responsibilities. If you are a parent, you may feel some guilt that your partner handles some parenting duties while you work. Let’s drop that right now! Work is something you do for your family as much as for yourself, to earn a wage. You are still a person who needs to have fun, and you and your partner should negotiate that separately than childcare needs for work.
Listen to your inner voice. If you feel stuck, try something new. You will figure out some a rhythm, it will work for you and your family, and then something else will change. We are working on this all the time. As always, stay in touch. I love hearing about your accomplishments and amplifying your work. Share widely and remind your friends they can sign up to receive the blog here, at the bottom of the page.
Warmly,
Urmimala