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Happy March! How can time be both flying and crawling by? How is your work going? When someone asks me this question, my first instinct is always to reply, “I’m so behind.” I doubt I am the only one who sets goals from a place of optimism and/or overestimation, cannot attain them, and subsequently feels inadequate.
I recently read a book called Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price. Their premise is that we have a historical/ cultural mindset that blames peoples’ struggles to meet their goals or find success on individual, inherent laziness. The harms of this “laziness lie,” as they call it, extend beyond our individual experiences of guilt and anxiety to create a toxic reinforcement of oppressive societal structures. After all, if we blame laziness, we do not need to build social structures to take care of people. The book is well worth a read; I strongly related to the author’s anecdotes of students struggling with multiple life challenges yet somehow blaming themselves for not performing as well as they wanted to. The chapter titles themselves are important lessons: (1) you deserve to work less, (2) your achievements are not your worth, (3) you don’t have to be an expert in everything, (4) your relationships should not leave you exhausted. Dr. Price’s solutions of stepping away from social media, making your work less interrupt-able, stepping away from interpersonal conflict and negative energy, and finding time for activities that feed your soul, are not new, but if you try any of them, it can feel revolutionary.
I found myself nodding along to the author’s delineation of how our modern life has raised the expectations for success in all arenas of life- sure, you may be a successful academic, but how does your home score on Room Rater? Are you in peak physical fitness? What new pandemic skills have you acquired? I think social media has amplified this arms race of self-improvement, and I want no part of it! At the same time, I do want to grow and learn, and I find it helpful to have goals. So how can we challenge ourselves and sometimes fail, without self-criticism or discouragement?
Here’s my strategy. I remind myself that everything is three times harder than you want it to be. For that lingering manuscript that really could be drafted in an hour? Plan for half a day! When I find a recipe that promises a healthy homemade dinner in 20 minutes, I assume it will take me an hour. A 12-week workout plan to increase my running speed? What’s the big deal if it takes me the rest of the year? Extend all of your timelines beyond what you “should” be able to do. You will make progress.
For all of us, some days and weeks are harder. Recognize this is normal and give yourself grace. If you are frustrated, pretend a friend is experiencing what you are going through, and talk to yourself with the same compassion you would another person in your situation. Try speaking aloud or writing something down when you reflect on your challenges and failures. Try it once and you’ll feel the impact on your thinking.
Thank you for reading this and for doing the best you can every day. Spring is around the corner, and there are better days ahead. Please share and reach out—good news that I can amplify is especially welcome, and an update always makes me happy. As always, stay safe and well.
Warmly,
Urmimala